If you are like me, you are on the couch from 11am to 11pm on Sundays. No excuses. The best ability is availability, so don’t pull a Sam Bradford. Punch the clock, sink into your couch, and watch football. What do you think God created Sunday’s for anyway?
Baltimore 24 – Cleveland 10
It was a classic, hard nose, AFC North match up in Baltimore this afternoon. Not much of a contest here, as Baltimore continues to showcase an elite defense and a capable offense. After throwing 3 INTs, Deshone Kizer, decided he did not want to play anymore so he left the game with a “migraine”. Grow up, buddy. Anyways, Kevin Hogan took over the helm for the Dawg Pound, and it was more of the same. Duke Johnson’s one hand catch was probably the only bright spot for Cleveland today. As for Baltimore, the defense looked great, and a balanced offense proved to be able to generate points, once again.
Baltimore covers easily and hopefully Kizer can put his big boy pants on and finish a game next week.
Arizona 16 – Indianapolis 13
In a battle for the number one overall pick, Indianapolis was able to be worse and get the real win here. Carson Palmer stinks, but Jacoby Brissett was worse in his first start with the Colts. Brissett’s devastating interception in overtime gifts the Cardinals a game winning field goal.
Pittsburgh 26 – Minnesota 9
Like I said, the best ability is availability. After getting hit just TWICE in Week 1, Bradford somehow got hurt, and Case Keenum was at the helm for the Vikings. Although Keenum was 9-7 in his last in his last 16 starts, he clearly could not keep up with the Steelers’ high powered offense. Many Steelers’ points came from long penalties. As a Vikings fan, I truly believe we win this game with Sam Bradford. If you don’t like that take, too bad. This team is a real contender if Sammy Sleeves is on the field. That is a big “if” though. Wild that Teddy Bridgewater will probably start a game at some point this year. Gotta keep the faith. Skol.
As for Pittsburgh, they got bailed out by penalties all day, but continued to show that they are a different team at home than on the road. Clearly an AFC contender.
Kansas City 27 – Philadelphia
The ball was flying around in Arrow Head today. Tipped passes were resulting in miracle plays for Philly. Surprisingly, it was not sustainable, as Alex Smith continued to look like Joe Montana. Another huge game for Kareem Hunt (81 yards, 2 TD), along with Travis Kelce, who jumped his way into the endzone for the go-ahead score and used the classic “Fly Eagles Fly” celebration troll to cap it off. The Eagles missed on a Hail Mary, in attempt of a legendary last second comeback, but Wentz looked fantastic for most of the game, and the Eagles should be happy to enter their home owner vs. the Giants at 1-1. Kansas City continues to look the part of a Superbowl contender. That won’t last long. Chiefs are frauds.
New England 36 – New Orleans 20
The Patriots after a loss? For those keeping track at home, here at the Goat Street Journal, we call that a “lock”. Tom Brady got back to GOAT form, throwing for 447 yards and 3 TDs (to 3 different white pass catchers, wow), including a long one to Gronk, who hauled in his 69th career TD (nice).
Saints D struggles yet again and the Patriots are back on track. One more win, and they probably clinch the AFC East.
Tampa Bay 29 – Chicago 7
The $16 million man, Mike Glennon, led the Bears with 2 INTs and a whopping 7 points. Should be Trubisky time any day now in Chi-town. As for the boys from Hard Knocks, the Bucs open up the season with a convincing performance. Yes it is against the Bears, but it is always nice to see a productive day on both sides of the ball. Bucs have to travel to US Bank Stadium and face the
red hot Vikings. Sucks for them.
Carolina 9 – Buffalo 3
This is how football should be played. No touchdowns. I absolutley love this 9-3 score. So gritty. Bend don’t break, baby. Anyways, the Panthers looked like shit and the Bills looked even worse. Game ends with a Zay Jones dropped Hail Mary and Carolina escapes with a 2-0 record.
Tennessee 37 – Jacksonville 16
An AFC South shootout. Love it. For a while, the Titans looked like absolute frauds, but then they realized that Derrick Henry is much better than DeMarco Murray and ran away with it. Jaguars D and running game looked elite again, bright future for both of these squads.
The 4 o’clock Slate
Seattle 12 – San Francisco 9
Seattle squeezes by the 9ers in a very low scoring game. Dare I say, a gritty game? The Seahawks O-line continues to be horrible, and their defense will not be enough if they can only score 12 points against the 49ers at home. Don’t be talking all this shit about how good the fans are, how touch it is to play in Seattle, 12th man this, 12th man that, and score 12 points at home vs the 40 freaking 9ers. Seattle will
go as far as their O-line takes them be watching the playoffs from the couch.
Oakland 45 – New York 20
Not much to see here. Derek Carr was throwing the ball everywhere. It got so bad that even Cordarrelle Patterson was scoring touchdowns. A hat trick for Michael Crabtree and an easy win for the Black and Silver. I think it is absolutely hilarious that nobody respects the Jets at all. Beast Mode showed that loud and clear.
Washington 27-Los Angeles 20
Captain Kirk and the boys were simply too much for the new look Rams. No eye popping stats or anything. Nice game for Chris Thompson, the best pass catching runner in the league. First, he embarrasses the former best pass catching runner, Darren Sproles. Then he puts up 2 TDs to embarrass Todd Gurley. Rams are paying tribute to the late great Jeff Fischer by staying as close to .500 as they can.
Miami 19 – Los Angeles 17
Smoking Jay Cutler begins his MVP campaign with a convincing win in the Chargers’ home opener. Ajayi, Landry, and Parker all showed out and a balanced Dolphins offense looks likes like they are primed for a playoff spot. As for the Chargers, they lose another close game. How about my man, Younghoe Koo missing the game winning field goal, AGAIN. The youtube sensation, and the most electric kicker in the league clearly cannot get it done for the Chargers. Sad!
Denver 42 – Dallas 17
How about the freaking Broncos. How about Trevor freaking Siemion. Wow. What a statement win for Denver. The defense looked elite, grabbing 2 INTs and getting to Dak all day. Think this is more about Denver than it is about the Cowboys. Cowboys will be fine. There are a slim number of teams who can defend them like the Broncos did tonight and I don’t see Zeke putting up a stat line like he did tonight (9 carries, 8 yards) ever again. On the other hand, Denver showed that they can move the ball and score points. If Denver’s offense is playing like that, they are unbeatable.
The Night Cap
Atlanta 34 – Green Bay 23
The Falcons returned to Super Bowl caliber form. The offense was clicking. Devonta Freeman punched in two TDs and Julio Jones / Sanu combined for 193 receiving yards. Pretty convincing performance, as Rodgers could only scratch his head and wonder why the rest of his team sucks so bad. Jordy Nelson got hurt, which you hate to see. Bottom line, if we have Sammy Sleeves, we beat the Packers. Book it.
Sunday Rating: 6.3/10
Listen, the games were not great. We had some thrillers in meaningless games like Arizona / Indy, but the big games did not live up to expectations (Broncos/Denver, Atlanta/ Green Bay). The only reason this is in the 6 range and not the 5 range is because the Denver game got delayed an hour, so there was no hour break between the 4 oclock games and the night cap. Constant football, baby. Only time I left my couch was to pick up the food I ordered. Hope you punched the clock and had a high productivity day, like I did
Monday Night Game Pick: Giants -3