Drunk Activities Power Rankings:

Going out, and getting loaded with the boys is one of life’s purest pleasures. There are many reasons why this has become such a regular habit for young men, and here is a definitive list of them:

  1. Mating activities
  • There is no way to sugarcoat this, when a guy is fucked up there is one main objective in mind. We want to “get some”. Whether it is a sloppy make out on the dance floor, or some impromptu closet dome, making moves with a member of your preferred gender is the centerpiece of a fun, drunken night out. It’s what keeps us coming back.
  1. Sporting Events
  • Getting fucked up for a sporting event is about as American as it gets. It doesn’t matter if it is a prime-time game between powerhouses, some Thursday night MACtion, or an IM dodge-ball game. Being inebriated unlocks the real joy of any sporting event. It raises your ability to talk to shit to athletes who won’t hear you, get excited over every little play, and eases any gambling debts you may self-induce. Beer and sports go hand in hand, and always will.
  1. Beer Games
  • Drinking games are a great way to get everyone sufficiently sauced, spark conversations, and get the blood flowing for your evening. There are few things more satisfying than having a solid pong partner, and running the table (Sup Wade Blogs). From Pong, to Flip Cup, to Slap/Stack cup there are games for all comers. They allow for the participants to continue drinking, while also flexing their competitive muscles. Great for pre-gaming, or a mid-game activity. Absolute drinking staple.
  1. Dancing a fool
  • One of the great perks of alcohol use (abuse?) is the decrease in inhibitions. When the music is bumping, and you are feeling yourself, there are few better releases than dancing up a storm in the middle of the dance floor. This can be used for seductive purposes or to just enjoy yourself with the boys. Some are hesitant to dance in front of others, but some booze can bring out the inner MJ in all of us.
  1. Drunk sing-a-longs
  • Piano Man, Mr. Brightside, Country Road, literally any song about America. We have all been there. Fucked up, slurring the words, without a care in the word. Arms around your boys repeating the chorus to American Pie for the 5th time. Not all of us are great singers, but the late night is not the time for that kind of judgement. Sing your heart out, boys.
  1. Drunk Cigs
  • It is a scientific fact that cigarettes while drunk, are amazing. It is something that has perplexed enlightened thinkers for ages. Why is it that non-smokers flock to cigs as soon as their lips have touched a Red Solo cup. I don’t know why, but I’ll keep doing it. Cigs give you a chance to step outside of a hot dancefloor/bar, and get some fresh (and some not so fresh air). Smoking a few darts with your friends is just part of the territory when you are drinking.  You get to talk about how your evening is going, and asses your current situations. They provide a nice pause to the partying activities, and also supply a nice little head rush.
  1. Food
  • We have all shamefully eaten some non-dietetic foods during the course of getting fucked up. Stumbling into whatever establishment is open at 1 a.m and ordering something greasy and cheap. It helps to soak up some of the alcohol rumbling around in your system, and also tastes fucking amazing. Who knew pizza and ranch dressing was such a perfect drunk combo? Also, chances are that any place that is open that late, is trying to serve this specific clientele, so there is usually a shitshow to observe. A belligerent girl trying to get pizza with no money, a guy starting shit with other patrons, who knows. Getting food is an end of the night adventure that never disappoints.
  1. Fighting/Talking shit
  • Jokingly, or serious, talking shit is a time honored drunk tradition. It may be as harmless as calling your friend a pussy for not pulling straight ruse, or it can get as heated as rival fraternity members calling each other out. It is always best to talk shit with a crew, so if anything happens, you have some back up. Most people just talk shit for the sake of talking shit, but some really are about that action. I found that out this summer when I told a kid to “Punch me in the fucking face” and he actually had the audacity to punch me in the face. I was shook. This is a drunken activity that can be a lot of fun, but also comes with some real risk.
  1. Other Drugs
  • I’ve only heard this second hand, but apparently taking other drugs while drunk can be a rewarding experience. Maybe you are getting a little sleepy on the dance floor, a line of some snow or addy can be just what you need to get back on your feet! Maybe you are looking to get a little extra loose out there, and you take a little xan. It’s never hurt anyone (don’t fact check me on that). Smoking a little green can be a nice little addition to your drinking excursion, as long as you avoid the dreaded spins. That late night blunt sesh is sometimes just the cap that a great night needed.
  1. Next Morning recanting
  • While you are not still drunk for this activity, it is still a vital part of going out. Hungover as shit, popping Advil and slugging water/coffee like it’s going out of style, presumably eating something that will stay down. Talking with your friends about the night you just had is a great way of remembering some of what may have slipped through your hazy grasp. You can brag about your sexual conquests, or live vicariously through your friend’s. These next morning conversations are always hilarious, and a huge reason getting fucked up is so fun.

 

Thank you for sticking with me through my first blog post, it’s all uphill from here. Thanks to the Blogs Family, and team at the GSJ. Feel free to leave any drunk activities I left out, in the comment section below.

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