I’m here to blog. I’ve been given the opportunity to create content and I hope I can do just that. Every day is a new opportunity to get better, and I will treat this blog as so. Please bear with me as I organize my thoughts and attempt to present my true thoughts about life, liberty, and the pursuit of solid content. I am not going to thank Wade Blogs for this opportunity because he does not deserve any glorified credit, but i will acknowledge his existence and his quality performance on a daily basis.
With that being said, I’m here to celebrate the 18th anniversary of Josh Hamilton being drafted and tell you why Josh Hamilton is the most important baseball player in the last 15 years, both athletically and culturally.
This guy was throwing 97 mph fastballs and hitting .529 as a high school senior in Raleigh, NC. His arm was a literal rocket ship. The kid was consistently blasting baseballs into orbit and was a lock for the draft. The Tampa Bay Rays knew this. They snagged him as the first overall pick. What could possibly go wrong?
The 2001 season marked the beginning of Joshy’s stint with the sneeze. This dude was smashing AA home-runs and railing lines post-game. His nasal cavities looked like the inside of a snow globe at this point in his life, and some would argue that it was becoming a problem. The Rays had never placed a player on the DL for a deviated septum or chronic nosebleeds, so it looked like our boy was headed to rehab. Josh played 45 games in 2001, split between A and AA ball.
Get It Together Josh
Hey Josh, stop failing drug tests. You are a major league athlete set to make millions of dollars and you’re wasting your time pulling Jack Daniels straight from the bottle and chasing the burn with a cold line of snow. There is no doubt that Joshy boy was sucking dick for a fix. That’s just the kind of guy he is. He’s willing to do whatever it takes to be the best, whether it’s playing baseball or looking at yourself in a dusty mirror as your chest caves in. Drugs are fun and all, but so is lifting 60,000 fans off their feet when you mash a walk-off against Roy Halladay and the Canadian Blue Jays. Guess Josh didn’t care about the fans. BANNED FROM BASEBALL FOR 3 YEARS.
Welcome to the League Big Fella
Finally Josh decided to give his reoccurring heart palpitations a break and played some baseball in 2007. The Cubs drafted him in the Rule 5 Draft and traded the junkie to the Reds. He made his major league debut in April of this season. First hit: HOMER. Next night: HOMER. Lets get to the Rangers.
The Lone Ranger
In 2008, average fans began to know the name Josh Hamilton. The Tattooed Titan was batting 4th for Texas, and was leading the league in RBIs. The kid is a lock for the all-star game. This was clearly a big deal for crack-head Josh, but it was overshadowed by the Home Run Derby. To start things off, Josh chooses 71-year-old Clay Council to pitch to him during the derby. Newsflash Josh, maybe you should have an old geezer pitch to you in a nationally televised hitting competition. Clay’s arm sent dust through the air with every pitch like an old piece of furniture that just got taken out of the attic after 36 years. Despite the fact, Clay and Josh put on a show. Josh surpassed Phillie great Bobby Abreu’s record with a whopping 28 homers in the first round. The boy finished with 35 bombs and he lost to Justin Morneau. Real fans know that Josh won that derby. The MLB botched the process on that one.
Lets Fuck Around and Win an MVP
The Great Hambino hits .359 with 32 homers and takes the AL MVP with ease. Thank you very much. Unbelievable. This guy was a walking vodka soda fueled by Colombian energy crystals for 8 years and now hes the best player in the majors? You really cant write stories like this. But guess what. I’m here typing away. Josh Hamilton should be an inspiration to children around the world. He proved that you can do life altering drugs and still make millions of dollars. He also proved that rehab is never the answer. That shit doesn’t work. If you wanna quit the nose beers, get better at baseball. I had so much respect for Josh at this point in his career. Then his downfall hit in 2011.
Hombone entered 2011 high off of an MVP rather than coke. The guy was in his prime. Then he killed a guy. Yea, you read that right. Josh Hamilton is a murderer. July 8th, 2011, Hammy catches a routine foul ball. He decided to throw the ball into the stands and give a fan a lucky souvenir, except Josh threw a fucking duck. On the receiving end of the throw was a 39 year old firefighter who wanted to play hero ball. The guy dives over the railing and falls 20 feet. Dead. Two careers ended. The Arlington Fire Department lost a fellow flame fighter and Major League Baseball lost JH. Yea Josh played until 2015 but he was dead to everyone. To top things off our, our boy relapsed in 2015, followed by a surplus that ended his career. Josh is still floating around in free agency but lets be honest, we could be reading his obituary any day now.
Why Josh Hamilton?
Why was Josh so important for the game? He changed the culture. He made steroid free baseball fun again. He brought a new drug to the game. Cocaine didn’t describe Josh Hamilton. It defined him. He made Sammy Sosa look like a pansy. Why cork your bat when you can rip a line and be jacked to the tits. People said, “you can’t be a drug-addict and be the best player in the MLB”. Well tough shit. Josh did it. If he didn’t murder that firefighter, Josh Hamilton would be a first ballet Hall of Famer. A can-a-corn turned into a crime scene and ended his trip to Cooperstown. Despite the blood on his hands, Josh Hamilton changed the game of baseball and that is why he is the most important ball player in the last 20 years.